What is energy?
There are many forms of energy. However, the two types I’m going to discuss for the purpose of energy play are vital energy and Universal energy.
Vital (personal) energy is the force that keeps a human’s physical body working and alive. It is something that we are born with. It works with your atoms and cells and makes your organs function. It provides electrical impulses that travel through your nervous system to your brain and also creates a bubble of heat around your body. Some refer to this as the aura.
In physics energy is defined as a property of objects, transferable among them via fundamental interactions, which can be converted into different forms but not created or destroyed. Some also believe that our vital energy is our soul. However, our soul, as much as it is how we perceive ourselves and others, cannot be seen, heard, smelled, touched or tasted.
Vital energy is depleted when used and is replenished by sleeping and eating and can also be recharged by using Universal energy, until the body is no longer capable of recharging and we die.
Universal energy is a force that exists outside of the human body, which not only moves and organizes particles, but creates it as well. Unfortunately, Western science does not have the tools necessary to measure this life force we call energy, but they are finding new ways to see what makes protons, neutrons and electrons perform. There are various ways to obtain Universal energy such as meditation, massage, Reiki, tantric sex, martial arts, and Yoga.
What is energy play?
Energy + Emotion + Intention + Action = Energy Play
We’ve already discussed what energy is. Now let’s discuss how this is used in a scene. Energy is often charged with emotion. Imagine what happens to you when you feel angry. The heat generated from feeling those emotions inside, not only influence how your energy is perceived by others, but also gives off heat, causing your face to get red and your muscles to tense up. Or perhaps think about the energy exerted when having an orgasm on both the physical and emotional aspects.
Energy can be filled with many different emotions to add intensity and promote connection between players. However, everyone plays differently, so as long as it’s negotiated ahead of time, anything goes. Energy play can be based not only on power and love, but anger, fear, sensuality, or whatever you can safely come up with.
Basically, energy play is the gathering of Universal energy, increasing and filling the energy with emotion, deciding what you’re going to do with the energy and then directing the energy through action, creating the resulting sub space you desire in your bottom.
The top gathers energy as we discussed above by meditation, using visualization, or getting into a top head space, then uses physical movement to send the energy out to the bottom receiver. It is recommended the bottom also prepare for the scene by cleansing and charging their energy with positive emotions.
Energy flow can move several ways:
From top to bottom and out through the bottom (forward flow)
From top to bottom and back to the top again (closed circuit)
From top to bottom, back to the top and out the top (closed circuit-reverse flow)
Intention is the decision of why you are playing and what you intend to get out of the scene. The top should decide before the scene how they intend for the energy to flow, what kind of energy they anticipate sending to the bottom, and what outcome they are attempting to achieve. The top does not necessarily have control of this energy flow, however, by using intention, they can attempt to make the energy flow in the ways stated above.
For example, the top may attempt to direct a flow of love and power, and the bottom may return an energy flow of submission and love in return (closed circuit). Another scenario might be the top flowing cathartic energy through a bottom and the bottom receives the energy, cleanses internally, then releases the energy to the Universe (forward flow). The top may also bounce healing energy to the bottom, allowing the bottom to release the negativity built up inside them, to return it to the top, who then allows it to flow through the top and out to the Universe (closed circuit-reverse flow).
This energy flow is sometimes referred to as connection or energy exchange. Energy flow for some can also be referred to as their spirituality.
Some people are not aware of the exact emotions emanating from a bottom. However, through body language, facial gestures, or muscle responses, the top may be able to interpret ways to read the bottom’s emotions. Empaths are extremely tuned into another person’s energy and can intuit another’s emotions and feel them without reading body language. There are those who are just more sensitive to energy than others.
The flow of energy from a scene can leave the top feeling charged and energetic, while the bottom may feel relieved and relaxed. The energy can also flow the opposite way where the top has expended their energy through the bottom and the bottom leaves feeling charged or rejuvenated. Regardless of the intentional flow, any negative energy exchanged should be released and dissipated.
For example, if the top had a rough day and has explained to the bottom that they need to release their stress through play to get their mind off the situation, the bottom could possibly take that energy in scene from the top and dissipate it out to the Universe.
The sensitivity of the top to the bottom’s energy assists in how the top determines when to ramp up the scene or determines when the bottom is about to call red. It’s how they dance around the bottom’s limits or how they know when to push further ahead. It’s a matter of being connected and aware of the bottom’s energy so that the top can pursue their next step. The bottom may not even be aware they are sending this energy out, however, that’s not their job to determine. It is the top’s job to always be aware and focused.
As with any new skill we obtain, practice increases your ability. We may fumble in the beginning as we did with our first scene, but with increased awareness and consistent attempts, we will be more energy aware.
If you’d like to learn more about the scientific properties and proof of how emotions work, please check out the book “The Molecules of Emotion” by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D. I highly recommend it for those who prefer scientific explanations.
Western versus Eastern philosophies
In our culture, we are taught to listen to our head through logic and to have proof of metaphysical existence. If it’s not testable, it doesn’t exist. However, we know this to be false as tons of stuff happens to us, both in and out of this lifestyle, which are hard to explain, such as ghosts or even sub space.
There are few words we can use to describe spirituality, and I had a friend tell me that if you can explain it, then it isn’t spirituality. It’s a knowing, feeling, and belief. With that understanding in mind, I will do my best to explain by saying that energy, emotion, and connection have a lot to do with spirituality.
“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.”
“The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brené Brown, Ph.D., L.M.S.W.
I understand it’s hard to prove that energy play exists. This is a good reason that many people in our lifestyle don’t talk about the “S” word. Until a person has experienced this phenomena, they may not believe. But again, that is because science is not equipped to verify that energetic flow exists. Just as no one believed the world was round until science discovered it, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t true. However, if you HAVE felt energy and spirituality, played with it, and manipulated it, you KNOW!
What I do ask from you is that you keep an open mind and don’t allow your logical side to take over completely.
How can you increase your odds of using energy play to achieve the point of sub space or spirituality?
Be open with your partner and express what is going on with you, whether it happens during or after a scene. Often, we have such intense scenes, that it is not practical to do this while the scene is ongoing, so you may have to wait till the scene has ended and discuss what happened during after-care. Communicate. I cannot say that enough. Say what happened to you. If you are too logical of a person to really express how the energy flow felt, use “pretend” language. Some examples of discussing energy might sound like the following:
I was floating.
I was aware of the sensation on my skin, but not the physical pain.
My mind went somewhere else.
I felt your emotion as if a wall broke and a tidal wave of emotion hit me.
Your energy felt like loving raindrops dripping all over my skin.
My skin feels like a thousand pins are poking me, even though you aren’t touching me.
My top looked at me and I thought my heart was going to explode.
Do what you can to see what is happening is real, even though there is no scientific proof or words to describe what happened. This increases your odds of powerful energy play.
We are here, as humans, in our bodies, to experience this emotional energy.It helps us feel alive. So indulge!
Why do Energy Play?
Let’s explore the science of this once again. Our body, depending on how well we take care of it, produces chemicals such as dopamine and serotonin. These are the “feel good” chemicals that not only make us feel happy, but produce energy as well. Some of us don’t take good care of ourselves and/or don’t produce enough of these chemicals naturally. We can create these chemicals in scene by either producing physical sensation such as causing pain, or using energy to produce the emotion. You can use meditation as a form of a self-induced, chemical-producing scene, by simply visualizing cleansing, healing energy clearing out the negative energy.
Where does energy come from?
Vital energy can be detected and accessed by us through our aura and chakras. The aura can be described as the force field that surrounds our body. The aura can actually be seen on a camera, called Kirlian Photography, by capturing the electromagnetic energy field. Some sensitive individuals say they can see it with their eyes or empathic individuals say they can feel it. By meditating, you can increase your aura and be aware of how large or small it emanates from your physical body.
Chakra means wheel and spins energy from a well inside your body. The chakras keep you balanced. It is said that the root chakra keeps you grounded, while the crown chakra lets you soar.
The Meridians are a map of pathways that show energy flow through the body. This is the map used for pressure point play. I highly recommend knowing the repercussions of pressure play before doing it, because interrupting the Meridian points can either release energy flow or actually create a block. The Meridians are also used by healing practitioners for things like acupressure and acupuncture.
The human body is designed with most of our sensory inputs facing forward, such as our eyes, nose and mouth. However, our ears are more to the side of us. This is because we, as humans, were designed as both predator and prey. So we have to be on the lookout for those we want to hunt and those that are out to hurt us.
Chakras allow us the ability to sense energy from both the front and rear of our bodies. This is why we can sense when someone is approaching us from behind, or even when someone is staring at us from across a crowded room. It’s our alert system and it’s there to detect energy.
Even someone under sensory deprivation notices when we approach them, just by using their senses to feel the energy around them. This extra-sensory perception was designed as a protective measure. And even though we typically feel safe in our environment most of the time, it allows us to feel other scenarios we may not have noticed otherwise, such as if your dominant is angry or the sub you met at a meet and greet has a crush on you. This is also how your mom knew you were unwrapping a candy bar, upstairs, in the closet with the door closed or in other words, having eyes in the back of her head.
To those important to us, we assign a “priority setting” that makes us ultra-aware of their energy. This can also explain how we know when to call our friend and ask if they’re feeling okay, or perhaps you were thinking about them and they call you.
Energy and Ethics:
“Every time you don’t follow your inner guidance, you feel a loss of energy, loss of power, a sense of spiritual deadness.”
Always trust your own intuition. Question everything you learn, take a moment to internalize it, and see if it is true for you. This will assist in keeping you from playing with a disturbed person, or could even help you find your perfect master. Ensure good communication as well. Tops should encourage open, honest communication without making you feel silly about anything you say. A good teacher, mentor, dominant or master will want a partner who increases their energy. So if you feel negative results from a scene, speak up. Talk about it. If a scene doesn’t seem like it’s going well, it could be a simple misunderstanding on either party’s part that when discussed could be interpreted differently.
Listening to your intuition can also help keep you out of trouble. Intuition is listening to the energy you can sense, but not see. If you feel something isn’t right, as if the energy doesn’t feel good, for example, but then logically talk yourself into the situation anyway, it could end up in disaster. There is a difference in being scared, but feeling safe. Don’t confuse the two. I’m talking about real danger. We were given energy and senses to ensure our safety.
If there is someone requesting to play with you and you don’t feel good about it, don’t! That is a good example of reading energy Don’t be afraid to call “yellow” or “red” in a scene if the energy doesn’t feel right. Communicate so the scene can be adjusted or stopped completely. Dysfunctional energy scenes can cause emotional or psychological problems.
Ever get near someone and when you leave you feel tired and drained? Most energy vampires are completely unaware that they are sucking the life right out of you due to their own lack of energy.
You will want to play with someone who will give you back positive energy. I’m not saying all energy vampires are bad. A person with too much energy may be a perfect partner for an energy vampire, because they feel calm and relaxed after a scene. I’ve heard many bottoms say they just want to quiet their mind. The warning I’ll give regarding playing with an energy vampire is to be aware not to leave the scene overly-drained, such as to the point of leaving depressed.
If you are the top, ensure that you leave your bottom better off than you started with. You are responsible for them while in your care. If you energetically harm them, it is your responsibility to help them heal or get them to someone who will help them heal. You may also damage your reputation if you play with bad energy and then perhaps no one will want to play with you in the future.
Let’s think about how it feels to experience “new love”. It’s like we’re flying or soaring in the clouds. That energy creates a bond with that person by co-mingling energies. Energy can also be passed along to another person via a conduit. Spiritual M/s is based on the master taking Universal energy and passing it on to the slave.
This is why it’s important to play with someone who is not toxic. This is where RACK can come into play though. If one partner understands the other has issues to work through and is capable of taking on the negative energy and dissipating or releasing it, and it has been negotiated first, this may be acceptable play.
Here are some signs of unwanted energy drain:
Feeling sick to your stomach
Having a hard time saying no to the person
Feeling physically drained
Feeling revulsion toward the person you are with
Energy play in action:
Try to use Universal energy first in a scene. You’ll need your vital energy to continue to live and function. Do your best to use positive energy. Energy exhaustion happens on both sides of the coin, such as a slave giving their all to a master that never gives back or perhaps a bottomless pit sub that no matter how much energy you give them keeps coming back for more because it’s never enough. Be a caretaker that takes care of themselves, so that you don’t end up draining people due to you not taking care of your own energy reserves.
Here are some tips to ensure that you’re ready for energy play. Ensure that you eat a healthy meal beforehand and are well hydrated to ensure you have your vital energy taken care of. Alcohol/drugs are not only unsafe when having a scene, but also interrupt your energetic field. Meditation before a scene will help you clear out any negativity and charge your energy with positivity. You can also use meditation as a tool to focus energy, such as gathering it all up and pointing or aiming it through your finger when you touch your bottom in scene.
Clean your energy then energize yourself, create positive emotions, then set your intent. Will you aim the energy at your sub for them to process and dissipate? Will you attempt to create a closed-circuit energy circle so that you can receive positive energy back from your partner? Or do you plan to bounce the energy off your partner in closed-circuit fashion and dissipate their negative energy for them? These are the intentions you should think about before going into the scene. Negotiate these intentions with your play partner and ensure they are on the same page. Let them know your expectations, and ensure them that no matter what happens, you are capable of flowing with whatever happens. Energy does strange things sometimes and as sure of your intentions you might be, you will always have to be willing to adjust your scene according to how it unfolds. It is both partners’ job to allow the scene to flow and then adjust to that flow. I’ve never had a scene where a script works so just be flexible.
Unless you’re an energy worker, do not attempt to use energy play for psychologically therapeutic purposes. Do your best to go into an energy scene with clean and positively charged energy. Some may attempt to use scenes to heal unresolved issues. However, first if you didn’t negotiate it, you are not playing consensually. Second, you may be asking something from your partner they are not capable of providing. They may not be able to process your issues. They may open up a can of worms that neither of you were prepared to deal with. You could actually end up harming your partner both emotionally and psychologically.
The above would be equivalent to a top attempting to recreate a rape scene on a rape victim to attempt to resolve their psychological issues. If you are not a therapist, attempting to do this type of scene could end tragically.
I’d like to add here that if you’re not in a good place, please let your play partner know this ahead of time. This way, they have the ability to assess the risks of energy play beforehand. They may be strong enough or in a safe enough place to dissipate your negativity. However, if they also had intentions of using you to dissipate their negative energy and neither of you discussed this before the scene, it could end on a negative note.
Scenes have a tendency to strip us of all the protective barriers we put up, some call this the ego. Scenes have a way of revealing our authentic selves. Take a moment to really get in touch with what’s going on inside and be honest with yourself and your partner. Once that barrier has been taken down, you may not be able to control your internal emotions from emanating out. Your partner could be completely unaware and absorb that energy. They may be aware, and decide they don’t want to deal with those emotions, and then you may be left to deal with that internal tornado on your own.
Although cathartic scenes can be amazing, and sometimes necessary, just imagine if you both go into the scene with already clean and charged energy what kind of levels can be reached. Energy can make you feel like you’re flying, take you away to sub space, or even give you an enlightening spiritual experience.
Just like with any other type of play we engage in, it’s important to know if your partner has any health issues. Just as you would ask about physical health issues for a physical play scene, you’ll want to know if your play partner has any mental health issues to be aware of. When you are playing with energy, and a connection happens, the two energies combine. This means if you are playing with someone with depression, and you make that connection, if you are not prepared for it, or you do not dissipate that depressive energy, you may just find yourself depressed after the scene. However, if you are aware of it, then you have the ability to shield yourself to that negative energy, or choose to absorb and dissipate it.
Negotiate the scene beforehand. Decide if you are aiming for sensual energy, a cathartic scene, or perhaps some fear play. This will give both partners the ability to focus the intent of the scene. Always be willing to flow in a different direction and adjust, though, if the energy in scene goes elsewhere.
For example, a top may have started off a high energy scene with a wicked, sadistic streak flowing through them. That intense energy may have stripped the bottom of all their shielding tools and touched an area that was sensitive in nature and they have a break down in the scene, and not in a good way. Although it was not the top’s intent to have them revisit some place that hadn’t healed yet, it could happen. The parties may have to stop the scene. Or it’s possible that the top can feel that energy from the bottom and adjust their scene to a more loving, peaceful energy to reassure the bottom that they are still in a safe place. Always be aware that your energy can affect your play partner.
The tools you play with, and how you play, can also affect your partner’s energy. Electrical devices, like the violet wand, seem to affect me in a negative way. I will completely shut down, and it’s very difficult for me to get myself together again. Your partner may respond energetically to a rope scene, but completely lose it when you use a cane.
It is extremely important to remember that interrupting a scene is never okay to do. Let me repeat that, never interrupt a scene, unless negotiated prior to the scene. We typically have this rule at every play event we attend. There is good reason for this. You do not know what is going on between those two players at the time you are interrupting. It doesn’t matter how well you know the parties playing, or if you think you are close enough friends that you can interrupt. Don’t do it, unless you have been invited in by one of the parties who are playing.
Everything that causes an emotion is reflected in that person’s aura or felt in their energy. As much as you try to hide that you may be upset, emotional energy literally radiates off you. This is why it is impossible to hide how you really feel from someone who is sensitive to energy.
There are several physical ways to get you and your partner’s energy to connect:
Stare into each other’s eyes
Use a kneeling/speaking protocol
Breathe in sync
Focus your energy or touch above or around the neck
Use your voice
Maintain connection as much as possible. Just like in meditation, our minds can tend to wander. When you are connected in scene and then your mind starts to wander on things like “What’s for dinner?” or if you are worrying about how you look to the audience surrounding you, you pull your energy away from your partner. As soon as you notice you are doing this, refocus on your partner again. Your partner may be sensitive enough to notice when you’re not focused.
Closing and energy scene is just as important as making that initial connection. Take time to disconnect from your partner. Otherwise, you may end up carrying them around with you when you leave. This can cause an emotional tug-of-war sensation between the two of you. It could cause you to feel intense loneliness once the endorphins wear off.
To close off an emotional scene, you can visualize a cord between the two of you that you clamp off, drift away from, or even snip with scissors. Ensure that both parties are ready to disconnect first, just in case one partner might need some emotional aftercare. It’s important to do meditation or an activity that will rejuvenate your Universal energy. Energy scenes tend to leave one with severe sub or top drop. The high obtained in an energy scene could end right away or last for days afterward. Check in with your partner after the scene, even up to a week after the scene, to ensure they are okay and aren’t in need of further aftercare.
Energy scenes can be extremely rewarding, but can also be very dangerous. Play ethically, safely, and consensually. May “The Force” be with you.
“Energy Play in the Kinky World” by Jameson Taylor
“The Molecules of Emotion” by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D.